Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This was a social media post I wrote 7 years ago today after having just had our second miscarriage and was just devastated. I’m not sure I could ever explain the pain of what I felt having not had another baby make it earthside. This post is a good reminder of how to support people after a loss and through infertility:

“We are deeply, deeply sad to share that we have had another miscarriage. I am not ready to discuss beyond this at this point but also know how important it is to share as it is not talked about enough and so many women (families) are going through this hell each day. #oneinfour I continue to be eternally grateful for my tribe for the incredible amount of support, you mean the world to me.

I know it is very hard to find the words to support the women in your life going through this. Let me help. If you feel called to comment, please keep comments to one of the below:

1. This sucks/life is not fair
2. I’m so sorry
3. I am here for you
4. I love you
5. I am thinking of you/praying for you
6. I will be there in 10 minutes to drop off donuts
7. Let’s meet for a walk when you are ready
8. Want me to come over and just sit with you — we can talk or I can just sit with you in silence
9. I don’t have the words/I don’t know what to say (this is always an ok response!)
10. Sending a fierce virtual hug
11. Share your personal pregnancy loss story

Please avoid comments like these (I am not blaming, I have said a number of these myself, feeling like I was at a loss for words, but for a variety of reasons these can be hurtful during this time of grief. I am happy to explain why a certain comment is painful if you genuinely are interested):

1. Don’t worry, you will get pregnant/have another child
2. It wasn’t in God’s plan/It is God’s will/God wanted to keep his angel/frankly anything with God
3. At least you/your family are healthy
4. At least you know you can get pregnant
5. At least you already have one child
6. Do you think something you did caused it?/Do you think there is something wrong with your body that caused it?
7. There was something wrong with it – it’s nature’s way
8. At least you are now able to drink alcohol at __ event/do some other activity that couldn’t while pregnant
9. At least you weren’t further along
10. At least you didn’t know the baby/meet the baby in person
11. You are now blessed to have an angel looking over you
12. Be grateful for what you have”

Sending much love and hugs to anyone going through loss. Please reach out, here for you always.